* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Horn broken, watch for finger.
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
* My kid had sex with your honor student.
* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
* Help wanted Telepath: you know where to apply
* I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Keep honking, I'm reloading.
* Hang up and drive.
* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
* I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
* Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off

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