Here are a few thoughts to ramble about in your brain:

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your midsection unprotected.

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we still don't know where she is.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you!

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.  "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult  Bookstore.

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