Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE - He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crisis?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus clowns don't talk.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

How can you tell if a man's sexually excited?  He's breathing.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.

Why are blond jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it's never happened.

How do you know when a man is about to say something smart?
When he starts her sentence with "A woman once told me...."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your husband is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

One woman tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a brand new car for my husband!"
The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

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